WOULD YOU GUYS STOP ARGUING ABOUT POLITICS AND FEED US! OR AT LEAST OPEN THE BACK DOOR! WE HAVEN’T BEEN OUTSIDE ALL DAY! REGARDLESS OF WHO WINS THE ELECTION WE’RE STILL GOING TO BE STARVING AND MISERABLE BECAUSE OUR OWNERS CARE MORE ABOUT BICKERING WITH EACH OTHER THAN THEY DO ABOUT TAKING ACTION TO ENSURE THE SURVIVAL OF THOSE WHO DEPEND ON THEM!
IN THAT WAY, WE CLOSELY RESEMBLE THE WORKING CLASS.
IT WAS REALLY WEIRD. ONE DAY I WENT TO THE PIZZA PLACE NEXT TO THE BAR DURING THE DAY, SOBER, AND I REALIZED THAT IT’S ACTUALLY SOME OF THE WORST PIZZA ON EARTH. THEN I WATCHED MY FAVORITE TV SHOW WHEN I WASN’T HIGH AND IT WASN’T FUNNY AT ALL. AFTER THAT I TOOK TWO WEEKS OFF ALL SUBSTANCES AND REALIZED I DIDN’T ACTUALLY LIKE ANY OF MY FRIENDS, MY MUSIC, OR MY HOBBIES.
TURNS OUT I’M NOT BISEXUAL, I REALLY LIKE COOKING, AND BOOKS ARE KIND OF AWESOME.
I HAD NO IDEA.
GOOD AFTERNOON, BETH. I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE MY DATE FOR-
NO. WAY TOO STIFF.
HEY BETH! HOW ARE YOU TODAY? YOU WANT TO GO TO-
EHHHHHH, TOO JOLLY.
SO … BETH … DOING ANYTHING ON THE 15TH?
JESUS, WHAT ARE YOU, THE FONZ? COME ON. PULL IT TOGETHER.
YO, BETH! GIRL, LET ME HOLLA AT CHU!
THAT WAS KIND OF COOL, ACTUALLY, BUT STILL NO.
… AT THIS RATE I’LL BE ASKING HER TO NEXT YEAR’S PROM.
FUCKING MONDAYS, AM I RIGHT?
DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED. THERE ISN’T ENOUGH COFFEE IN THE WORLD TO HELP ME RIGHT NOW. I WAS UP UNTIL 4AM LOOKING AT INTERIOR DESIGN BLOGS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. I’M NOT EVEN ALLOWED TO PAINT MY APARTMENT.
THE INTERNET IS THE WORST FOR THAT KIND OF THING. ONE TIME I WENT ON WIKIPEDIA TRYING TO FIGURE OUT THE DRUMMER FROM DEF LEPPARD’S NAME AND I ACCIDENTALLY GOT A DEGREE IN NEUROBIOLOGY.
TELL ME ABOUT IT. I WAS TRYING TO DOWNLOAD SEABISCUIT AND NOW I’M AN ORDAINED MINISTER.
|Customer:||“I’d like 50 Christmas stamps, please.”|
|Customer:||*befuddled* “Oh, my, has it come to this? Um, give me 22 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 6 of the Baptists.”|
There’s a class next semester that’s called Art in Nature: Listen to the Wind.
I think if I took that class I would only ever refer to it by its full name.
“Oh well I had better go, I will be late to my class, Art in Nature: LISTEN to the WIND.”
|(I answer calls for technical support within the company.)|
|Caller:||“My computer is a fire risk.”|
|Me:||“What makes you say that?”|
|Caller:||“It gets hot. There are papers near it.”|
|Me:||“If you’re worried about it, you can move the papers away.” Caller: “I am moving the papers, but you must send someone to look at it.”|
|Me:||“Computers usually get warm–”|
|Caller:||“You don’t understand. My computer is a fire risk!”|
|Me:||“Okay, I’ll log a job and get someone to look at it.”|
|Caller:||“When? It is very urgent. I need someone to come now.”|
|(I log the job and ring the technician to explain that the customer is very keen to have someone come as soon as possible. The next day, he rings me back to tell me what happened.) Technician:||“You know that computer that was a fire risk?”|
|Technician:||“She meant it was on fire.”|
A Safe Place. (von SaylaMarz)
“Moss has invented a very fun game.
It is called: Brigid is a Jungle Gym and also she is Dinner.
The game goes like this:
Moss slides down the side of the cage, pitterpatters across the floor, slips beneath the wheels of my chair, and stealth attacks my feet. Then she climbs my body from toe to face, chewing on whatever she feels like, and the game ends when she gets to the top of my head and I wear her as a hat, while doing seemingly ordinary things.
Water gets totally jealous that Moss is spending so much time with me, but when I invite water to hang out on my shoulder, she just flies around the room to remind Moss that only one bird in this household is flying.
Needless to say, this game makes me very paranoid every time I move in even the slightest way.”
You’re not pro-life, you’re just pro-70,000-deaths-a-year-from-unsafe-abortions.
You’re just …
TW: rape culture, sexual assault, conversion attempts, anti-ace
I’ve been thinking for a while about trying to collect data— really, anecdata— about things asexuals experience to see what the most common problems we encounter are. There’re not many resources or avenues of support for asexuals, and few or none safe spaces. If we can isolate some frequent problems, we can work on providing support for those. Towards that end, I’ve been trawling “Ace Secrets” to see what people report happening to them, checking LiveJournal, Tumblr, etc [all of this rather erratically]. One place I haven’t looked much is AVEN, because I’m not a member, and AVEN is a rather problematic community.
This morning I began reading through the Worst Responses To Your Asexuality thread on AVEN.
This is all awful.
What I really don’t understand is, why would someone call asexuality a sin? Isn’t it the ultimate sacrifce and devotion to god to be celibate? Maybe that’s the reason the church does nothing against those child molesters - at least they’re not asexual, amirite?
|(I honestly can't say how many times I have had this conversation in the ER)|
|Me:||“Is there any chance you are pregnant?”|
|Me:||“Are you sure?”|
|Me:||“Are you sexually active?”|
|Me:||“Do you still have periods?”|
|Me:||“Are you on birth control?”|
|Me:||“Do you use condoms?”|
|Me:||“Has your husband/significant other/autistic baboon had a vasectomy?”|
|Me:||“So let me get this straight. You are still menstruating, have unprotected sex, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”|
|Me:||“Look, if you are having sex and not trying to prevent getting pregnant, you are actively trying to get pregnant.”|
“Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.” “I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Ralph. “How about a demonstration?” The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “Okay. Go ahead.” Ralph says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.” The auditor thinks a moment and says, “No way! It’s a bet.” Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops. Ralph says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.” The auditor can tell Ralph isn’t blind, so he takes the bet. Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. “Want to go double or nothing?” Ralph asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.” The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, and urinates all over the desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. “Are you okay?” the auditor asks. “Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Ralph told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it."